We are never more discontented with others

than we are discontented with ourselves.

If my word means nothing when it comes to the small things, how is he going to be able to believe in my word for the bigger things. This keeps ringing in my ears over and over. Funny how things come up on certain days, just when you think you are going down this trail of life without any worries. Feeling like nothing can really get any better. Then something you never thought twice about comes back and bites you in the ass.

I was thinking today about myself and my trust. I have never felt that I was capable of love. I never thought I was trust worthy. I always believed that I was toxic and not able to have that bond with one speical person. I doubted myself today. Now as I sit here and reflect back on my day I guess I doubted myself for a good reason.

My heart hurt all day today and I just couldn't put my finger on why. I had one of my great migraines on Friday afternoon and it has knocked me on butt. I am exhausted still and all I want to do is sleep. My house is a mess, I am cleaning all day everyday this week trying to catch up from working Monday to Friday day shift last week. I haven't been eating well or taking my vitimins I am sure that doesn't help either. I just feel very unhappy with myself, and discontented.

My life is full of change this last while, I don't think I do that well with change. I know it is good for me, but it just has never been easy. I started my new job this week. I am working back at the RCMP in a much more challenging postion. I have found myself in a new relationship. One I was not looking for or believed I was prepared for. For the most part it has been amazing. I do believe we make an unbelievable fit. I just hope I don't screw this up, as I often do.

Tomorrow is a new day. I have to focus on that for now. One breath at a time, One foot in front of the other, One day at a time.