Lost time is never found again

I feel as though I am running a marathon on an empty stomach and no sleep, oh and maybe even a bit hung over. I run and run and just when I can see a glimpse of a future, one I might catch, I trip and fall flat on my face. Instantly losing sight of the little I gained. Today I want to sit in the middle of my living room floor and just cry. Give up. I don't know how much longer I can keep plugging along. I fell hard this week and it has taken me a bit to get up. I am so far behind now. I don't know if I can run fast or hard enough to come close to catching up.

I spent the last week in Vancouver on a course for work. This has to be the first time I was able to get away where the only place I wanted to be was home. It was nice to see some people I haven't seen in a while, but other then that I just wanted to be home.

I have had some plans broken, something I was looking forward to. I should have known better. Teaches me for putting all my eggs in one basket. I was sure I explained that I should have never said I would break all ties, I thought for sure I said I would minimise the ties, but not necessarily break them. Regardless I was wrong. It is now time to break all ties. Hmmmm boundaries???

At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous tocross.

It is time to stop trying to make amends with my past and just keep my eyes forward. Finally tying up those lose ends. A couple years too late, but none the less it's being done.

I am extremely over whelmed and exhausted today. Tomorrow is a new day. I am going to wake up and dig deep to keep my head up. Find that smile that got lost with my broken heart. When it rains it pours. Deep breath, one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. That's all we can do.