Saying Good Bye is Never easy.

God needed one more to fill the empty space,

he looked around the room and saw your sweet face,
when you stopped breathing,

we knew you were gone,

you went so peacefully,

so we knew you chose the right home,

we knew your skies weren't so blue,

and the roads were getting too tough for you,

but you fought that fight,

and you did the best you could do,

the best part was you didn't die alone,

the day God sent you home.

I guess I never saw this day coming. It was a birthday party being planned. It was a surprise. People were coming from every where to celebrate 75 years of the greatest man on earth. Instead of a celebration of a birthday it turned into a celebration of his life past.

The vision of him laying alone in the morgue when I went to say my final goodbye is etched into my memory. Knowing that it was the last time I will ever lay my eyes on that beautiful face. Knowing I will never here his jolly voice again. I will never hear his french voice call me Robynopy, or kido. My heart is broken. People keep telling me "with time, it heals" I think it is going to be one very long time.

Rene' (aka Papa) Married my mom in March of 1984 I was 9 years old. He was a very big part of my life. I have more childhood memories of him then I do my mom or my dad. He really was an amazing man. Never a negative comment passing his lips. Forever smiling and full of love. I never heard him raise his voice or speak out of anger. Even the day when I flooded the bathroom and ruined a load of my mothers designer clothes by leaving fish hooks in my pockets. He picked me up from a high school dance, I was intoxicated and being suspended from school. He just smiled and said "oh Robynopy" Again never raised his voice or had a negative thing to say, although he had me up at 6am to wash the kitchen floor with a tooth brush, he did it with a big silly smile.

As a pregnant teenager, my mom and Papa had moved out of town, and he called me every single day to check on me, until my mom put a stop to it. As an adult we snuck off to the Casino every time we were together. Once again without my mom's consent.

I am hurting in a way I have never hurt before. I have never lost someone this close to me. I am very worried about my mom, yet I am avoiding calling her or even answering when she calls. Every time I speak with her it just brings back all that pain, I have to face it once again that he is really gone.